Staying in “Your Own Lane:” The Good, the bad, and the ugly
As the politics in the world and in our own country get more and more divisive it is so difficult to see any solution or reconciliation between all the factions. I certainly don’t see myself anywhere close to understanding or agreeing with “the opposition.” I hate that I feel real antagonism toward people, who if I didn’t know their politics, I would consider my friends. I also feel antipathy from them that I don’t think has anything to do with anything that I have done, but solely with what they perceive I believe.
I generally think of myself as a nice person. Maybe a little left-leaning, but mostly generous and balanced. Suddenly I find that I am reacting viscerally and violently to opinions that are not that far afield from what people have always said. Obviously the racist, xenophobic, gender-phobic, hate speech gets a reaction, but different views of how illegal immigration might be handled, or what benefits veterans are entitled to, get a surprisingly negative gut reaction from me. Everything is a “hot button.” One of those sensitive subjects has been whose business is whose? Am I my brother’s keeper? Should I let the “experts” make the big decisions and just be happy that I am not “furloughed,” or immigrant, or LGBTQ? After all, do those things really affect me, or I am I just raising a fuss?
Since the NRA tweeted that doctors commenting on gun violence should “stay in their lane” in November 2018, I have been thinking about what that phrase means and when it makes sense, as well as when it doesn’t.
I don’t think I had ever heard (or used) the phrase before other than when driving, but it didn’t take a lot of explanation to understand what the NRA was saying. “We are the experts on gun control and doctors should just patch victims up and not have an opinion.”
During the process I realized that the phrase doesn’t always mean the same thing. That there are “good, bad, and ugly” sides to that, as well as many other, sayings. Especially the ones that try to keep us “in our place.”
THE GOOD:
Sometimes, staying in your lane is a good idea. After all, your lane is yours because of your various knowledge areas, and everybody’s lane is pretty individual. Sometimes it protects you from getting sucked into areas that are not familiar and sometimes it is a protection. I used the phrase recently when I realized I was trying to take on too much of a project when I really had volunteered for a specific role that I had experience in. As a result, I was feeling overwhelmed, burdened, and fish-out-of-water-ish. I realized that I needed to narrow my participation and focus on where I could help rather than trying to be in control of what other people were doing. I would say that recognizing that aspect of “my lane” was a benefit to me and I could pull back a bit.
THE BAD:
People using “their lane” as an excuse for never venturing into unknown territory or reaching out to others can prevent growth and limit their ability to impact their surroundings in a positive way. Not to be too cute with the analogy, but sometimes you simply need to change lanes to move forward when your progress is being impeded. If that loony old lady in front of you (not naming anyone specific) wants to meander down the road with no agenda, that is fine. But you may be on a mission and a timeline and need to move forward at a faster pace. Jumping into the other lane (after carefully signaling, of course) can broaden your perspective, give you some needed skills, and get you where you are going faster. It can also help you understand another participant’s perspective. You know, the old “walk a mile in their moccasins” reference. Until you have seen the view from that other lane, you may not recognize the challenges and limitations being faced.
THE UGLY:
Using the “stay in your own lane” argument for chasing people off your patch is the ugly side of the phrase (the one used by the NRA). Confining people to their allocated slot and trying to prevent them from expanding their horizons not only limits what they can do, but also limits the insights and perspective you can learn from them. It can be a territorial shutdown of enthusiasm. If you find yourself doing this to someone else, or even to yourself, you should examine your motivations. Is it to shut somebody down who might disagree with you (or convince yourself you are out of your depth)?
Saying that, I guess the answer to whether you should stay in your own lane is “it depends.” Sometimes you may just need to trust your gut and define your goal; accomplishing a specific task, gaining additional skills, or allowing others to gain new skills and contribute beyond their previous role.
Going forward in the social and political climate we find ourselves in right now, I am not sure how this all relates to how I will cope, except that I will watch carefully to not get pulled into someone else’s lane, will try not to be afraid to venture out, when needed, and I will keep a grip on any tendency to categorize or limit other people. Wish me luck on that…
